I’m Listening
Does anyone remember the TV show, “Frasier” or am I showing how old I am?
For those who didn’t catch the show during its 11-year run (1993 – 2004), here is a synopsis. Frasier, a former regular at the bar on “Cheers,” moved to Seattle to host a radio psychology talk show. He would start every listener call with the melodic and empathetic phrase, “I’m listening.”
Truth be told, Frasier rarely was listening. He was, by some accounts, a self-absorbed, over-educated, highbrow older brother, who thought he knew it all and had nothing to learn from those around him, especially his blue-collar dad, his little brother, his producer, or his father’s caregiver. (At least until the last few seasons.)
And so it is with most of us, at least some of the time. We say we are listening but in reality, we only lend half an ear at best.
The benefits of listening well are multi-fold. We understand what is being asked of us. We learn about people around us. We don’t have to ask twice. We even can gain respect.
The problem is, it can be really hard to be a good listener when the ringtones of smart phones, e-mail chimes and the internet beckon. Here are some tips to focus your listening skills:
1. Turn off your cell phone and laptop.
2. Make eye contact and don’t interrupt the speaker.
3. Jot down thoughts as they occur to you instead of interrupting. Write only a word or two so you can stay focused on the speaker.
4. When the speaker is finished, rephrase or repeat the main idea back to him/her to make sure you really heard what was said or what was expected.
5. Then speak, answer or question.
It’s a little like meditating – it looks a lot easier than it is and takes practice. But it is worth the effort. Consider the alternative; how many episodes ended up with Frasier discover he was only talking to the dog?
